Birthday Presence

So I haven't posted anything in a VERY long time, but today I need to say something that I can't leave unsaid.
If you know me well, you know that my life is not and has not been all roses and sunshine.
You also know that I experience deep joy.
My dad's birthday is October 11th. He's been gone for 10 years and each year on his birthday, I celebrate him. Only tears of joy on this day.
I was thinking about him this afternoon and I realized that he is the common thread in the tapestry of joy in my life.
A girl marries a man like her daddy. The qualities that Jay have that bring me the most joy and security are qualities that he shares with my dad.
The things that I love most about my relationships with my kids are modeled after the way my dad parented me. He was always for me. He taught me to ask questions and find answers. He encouraged kindness, respect, and empathy. He was fun and funny. Every second of the day, with every fiber of my being, I knew that he loved me and valued me.
My sister and I not only love each other but we enjoy each other and our respective spouses and kids. This is amazing because we couldn't be more different if we tried to be! At Christmas my dad would hang the stockings by political views, far-left to far-right (bro-in-law, sis, dad, me, husband) and there was no tension in this. It was funny and a celebration of differences. He demonstrated that having different opinions has no bearing on how we should treat others or how much love we extend.
Not only did I get to experience him as a father, but as an adult I knew him as a friend. His love was deep, steadfast, passionate, and selfless.
Experiencing the love of my earthly father made the road to understanding the Love of my Heavenly Father a gentle path.
I am overwhelmed that I got to spend 27 years with this man. What a gift!

Restoration

I wonder how Job felt after God restored his life. His "new" life was great and all, but his kids were gone. I suppose he trusted God completely. Perhaps he expected to see his kids again in death. New kids don't replace the old ones. (Whoa, my brain is exploding right now because comparing the old New Kids to the "new" NKOTB is the perfect analogy of how new is not the same or better.) OK, focus. The definition of restoration is: the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition. What was the condition of Job's heart though? I'm telling you right now that he was NOT the man he was before his world fell apart. I imagine that Job's life ended with "and they lived happily ever after." The Bible says, "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part...After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so Job died, an old man and full of years." Sounds good, right? The biblical version of happily ever after. There wasn't a better man than Job in his "first life", he had to have been an even better man in his "restored" life. That's the way it's supposed to be. That which does not kill us, gives us hope. It's in the Bible, look it up. I wonder about Job. Did he miss his kids or was he joyful for what he had? Sure, could've been both. What about that ache of missing someone you love? Was that in his heart?

Love.

Eight years ago today, I married my best friend. It would take most couples twenty years to go through what we experienced in the past eight. He was my knight in shining armor riding in on his white Subaru. I'm just thankful Subarus are dependable, made for adventure, and all-wheel drive. This road has been bumpy.

Mounting Evidence

Reasons my sister should move to our hometown...

Exhibit A: Job opportunities.




Exhibit B: Inspite of the wild animals....

the scenery is breathtaking.



Exhibit C: No one can resist the scrunchy face.



I rest my case.

Fairies are being born...

The sound is bad but the cuteness makes up for it. Also at :12 her hand freaks her out for a second.

Hau`oli Lā Hānau

Happy Birthday Christy!

Ummm...eww

If you have never opened up the drain of your dishwasher to clean, you must do it. It is life changing. Remember I have two small children. I clean up boogers and poop all day. I catch vomit in my hands regularly. The stuff inside the drain of my dishwasher was by far the the grossest thing I've ever seen or touched.

http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-and-Maintain-a-Dishwasher
I have a newer dishwasher so I didn't have to unscrew anything. The plastic pieces just popped apart.


Ugh the things I saw cannot be unseen.

Poseidon and Medusa

This is my favorite kid in the whole world.






This is my other favorite kid in the whole world.



She was doing this weird thing that looked like possible seizure activity that warranted an EEG. The EEG was normal and the pediatricians think she was just doing a weird normal baby thing. ...mustard seeds and mountains...Hallelujah!



Bonus pic of Jonathan. He wanted to see what he looked like with my hair.


Bonus happy baby pic.

Balentine's Day

Blessed

I haven't posted any updates in a while because life is busy with two kids. So here is the quick and dirty version. We spent 40 days (a biblical time of trial followed by blessing) in the NICU. Keatley now has two "normal" lungs. I was able to see her chest x-ray yesterday and her lungs look the same. The doctors were right ;) , you can't tell which side the hernia was on. She is growing normally and is developmentally on target.

Jonathan is doing well too. What a trouper to have been displaced for 2 months. He rebounded quickly and is settling well.

He loves Keatley to death...almost literally.

I try to spend my days focusing on my blessings. It is so easy to get sucked into this world, our culture, and the depravity that we live amongst.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Phillipians 4: 4-9

Hallelujah!

I can't look at this face without praising the Lord.

Big Debut

Keatley getting a sponge bath

Keatley's clean fuzzy curls

I like this one because she is smiling.

Keatley hangin' out.

She is always so content when she is awake.

I hope that is just her temperament and not the methadone. :)

Day 22

I wanted to publish a post with all of the details about Keatley's journey. I started to write one, but it was just too much information and too overwhelming.

In the NICU, everyone is always talking about the roller coaster of good days and bad days. We have definitely experienced that. In Keatley's first 24 hours she went from doing surprisingly well to "coding" and being put on ECMO. She finally stabilized and then her heart wasn't functioning properly. The next morning her heart was totally normal. This was just within her first three days.

It has been three weeks now and there have been numerous ups and downs. If there is an organ to be examined and concerned about, Keatley has been through it. Some of the things we have been through have been concerning and others have been horrific. There have been a few moments when we thought we were going to lose our little girl. There have also been times when she has amazed everyone. A few days ago the respiratory therapist came to re-tape the ventilator tubes to her mouth and Keatley moved and pushed the tubes out. She literally extubated herself, she did so well without the ventilator, they progressed her to a cpap machine. The doctors hadn't planned to extubate her for three more days.

She is doing great now. She is on pressurized oxygen to keep her airway open (which they are slowly weaning.) She is on two sedatives and a PRN blood pressure medication (which they are slowly weaning.) She is taking breast milk through a feeding tube. She gets about 2 teaspoons every 3 hours (which they are slowly increasing.)

I am a different person than I was 3 weeks ago. God has revealed Himself to me in a way that I cannot fully explain. His body has loved and supported us. The medical technology and brilliance of the doctors that He orchestrates is astounding. The strength He has instilled in this little girl...amazing. He has moved mountains when we have called upon His name. His goodness and mercy are overwhelming. His miracles are tangible. We are so humbled and thankful to be on this journey.

We are not off of the roller coaster yet. Please continue to seek Him on our behalf.


I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Post Surgery

Keatley's surgery went very well. The surgeon said that she had very little bleeding. He used a patch to repair her hernia, which he said is routine for large hernias. Her medical team has decided to make no more changes for today so her body can rest. Tomorrow they will begin to wean her from the ECMO. This will take a few days. Please pray that this goes smoothly. The longer she is on ECMO the greater the risk for blood clots and bleeding in her brain.
Jonathan seems to be doing a little better, he is a little more settled. My sister, brother-in-law, and mom have been spending a lot of time with him and I think he has seen almost all of Nashville. He also loves the playground and playroom at "Old MacDonald's House."
We are so thankful for the Lord's goodness and mercy. We are honored and humbled to be walking this path because we have seen His overwhelming goodness in His mercy for our daughter, as well as seeing His body work so well. We have been amazed by the number of people that have been going to the Lord on our behalf. We have not for a moment felt alone through this struggle. Thank you all so much for your love and encouragement. I know that He is pleased with the way His people have loved us.

On a lighter note: Yesterday one of the neonatologist mentioned to us that Keatley's gag reflex was not working. She was not overly concerned because of the amount of sedation that she was on, but it was something to note. Last night, one of the nurses was cleaning Keatley's mouth and putting some "chapstick" on her lips which was mint flavored. Kealtey started suckling her vent tube and then licked her lip to taste the chapstick. Obviously, she does have a gag reflex. The medical team was amused by our little diva that is already into lip gloss.

She is here!

Keatley arrived August 3, 2010 at 10:32am (central time.) She weighed 7lbs 12oz and measured 20 inches long. She did really well most of the day but started going downhill quickly during the night. Wednesday, early afternoon, she was put on ECMO. ECMO is a heart/lung bypass machine that is being used to help her lungs and heart rest. She has been stable since she was put on the ECMO. The doctors are tentatively planning on doing her surgery within the next few days.

Jay and I are definitely experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. This is not easy but we are praising the Lord because we know that we are walking through His plan. Please continue to pray for Keatley's healing, Jonathan's peace and that he would feel settled and secure, and peace and strength for Jay and me.

Thank you so much for your concern, encouragements, and prayers.

BTW- she is beautiful!

'nother update

I was discharged from the hospital this evening with orders to stay in Nashville, in case I go into labor again. The c-section is still scheduled for the 3rd.

We had another conversation with a specialist today. He gave us even more detailed information than we had before and even more statistics. He said treatment is pretty standard for babies with a diaphragmatic hernia and her survival is really dependent on her anatomy (which they cannot successfully predict in utero.)

We are weary. It is so draining to talk about the possibility of losing your baby. We trust God's will and are hopeful that our desires match His plan. This has been a hard day. I just want my baby to be ok.

Rolling with the punches

I am still stable and Keatley is still looking good too. This Thursday, my OB along with the pediatric surgeon, and neonatologist will be having a treatment team about Keatley and me. They are looking at the possibility of releasing me from the hospital if I can stay in Nashville and pushing back my c-section to the 1oth.

We have an excellent team of doctors and we plan to make work whatever they decide is best. This will (again) change everything logistically regarding money and places to stay. Jay would also be missing even more work before her birth, leaving less time to be here during her recovery. We are trusting the Lord to take care of the big stuff and the little stuff too. This is hard but we know that He is not surprised by any of this.

Thankful

I wanted to let you all know that Jay and I are so thankful for everyone's calls, emails, posts, monetary gifts, and gifts of service. We have been overwhelmed by the love of the Lord through the Body of Christ. I'm not responding to all of the messages now, mostly because I have an IV in my hand which makes it difficult to type, but know how thankful and appreciative we are, truly.

Vandy

We are already in Nashville. I started having contractions Thursday night and they continued through Friday morning. I spent Friday night at UT trying to stop the contractions. They continued through that night so they sent me to Vanderbilt Saturday. My contractions have finally stopped but we are staying here until Keatley is born to avoid complications. The plan is to keep her original due date as August 3, 2010 but she will be born sooner than that if I go into labor. There is an increased risk if she is born before 37 weeks which will be this Thursday. Right now we are stable and I am hoping it stays that way.

I will post updates when I can. Continue to pray...this sucks.

update...

We went to Vanderbilt today to meet with the neonatologist. It was emotionally exhausting. Forgive me if this doesn't make much sense. The neonatologist said that we would know within a couple of weeks of delivery if Keatley will survive. There is a 50/50 chance of her needing ECMO (bypass machine.) Recovery will be a minimum of 8 to 12 weeks. She will have developmental delays but at some point down the road be able to catch up with the help of various types of therapy.

It's hard to have no control. The only thing I can do is take my vitamins and be in Nashville when she is born. I don't want my 3-year-old to have to be displaced for months. I don't want him to have to be away from my husband and me more than usual.

I don't want my baby to be sick. I want her to come home. Today I am broken.

FYI c-section is August 3rd between 7:30 and 9:30 central time