I was almost gifted

My blog was almostgifted but my computer is smarter than me and I had to create a new account.   I figured my crooked toes is a prime example of how I was short from perfect from birth.

I hadn't blogged in a long time but it has become necessary to have an outlet.  My dad died just before Thanksgiving.  I am a stay-at-home mom to a perfectly gifted 8 1/2 month old boy.  Before he was born I decided that I would be a perfect mom.  As perfect as I could be.  Well being depressed, crying sporadically throughout the day, and being angry at God are not on the perfect mom's to-do list.  I know I'm not a bad mom and that this is only temporary.  

My dad is gone, my baby doesn't sleep good....both of these things can make a person crazy.  When I was on my way to my dad's house and I knew he was dead (I didn't officially know, but I knew) I prayed that God would be my comfort in this time, my only comfort.  Well I don't feel very comforted.  

I understand atheism now.  To have crappy stuff happen just because crappy stuff happens is one thing.  To have crappy stuff happen, ask God for help, and hear nothing from Him, is horrible.  I still believe in God, I'm just mad at him.  My husband says that He is a big God and he can handle it. 

I don't think I can though.