Rough Night

Sometimes there is a direct correlation between morning hair and what kind of night it was.

Yay for babies!

Today he turned the pages of his book one at a time, from front to back.  Clearly a genius.  Well, he did touch the dog and say "cat".  Maybe not a genius.

blahblahdeblahda cat

So I'm sitting in the floor with my baby and the cat is weaving around us and my son is mesmerized.  So like any other time that this happens I say, "cat...cat...cat...cat...cat..."  And today it happened, I HEARD "cat"  with a "ku" sound and a "t" sound.  YAY!  A real word not just  mamamamama or dadadada or bahbahlalaba.  Cat!  Then he pet the cat, like he had been doing...gently, oh so gently.  Then the damn thing bit him.  What the hell!  Broke the skin!  Now when the cat comes by I think we will practice....damn cat....damn cat....damn cat......

okay probably not...but poor little guy, finally said a frikkin word and his reward is being bit.  Cat bites hurt and then sting a little.  Oh well. Yay, he said cat!

In need of sleep and prozac

I desperately love my baby but OH my god he is WHINEY.

Sorry short post, baby just woke up......whining.

Hormone Shift

The state college that my dad worked at is having a reception thingy b/c they are naming the photo studio he designed after him. (He taught photography and pretty much developed their program.)  A pretty big company that he worked for is also naming their studio(that he designed) after him.  It is really cool that so many people thought so highly of him. He was great.  It makes me feel better to know other people miss him too.  Not b/c misery loves company but b/c it is kind of like sharing the burden of the pain.  

I started my period today and the intensity of my angry at God stuff is less.  Still there, just not so intense.

Husband and I are considering building a house instead of buying one.  The details aren't interesting but it is a big deal to me so ta da there it is.

:)

Superwoman

So today was a better day.  My dad is still dead and I am still sad, but it was a better day.  Probably because I was so busy.  My house is for sale but still messy all the time.  

I got a call at 11:15.

 "Mrs. Crookedtoes?  This is John from Realty Company, can you do a showing from 2-3 today?" 

 

"ummmmmm.......what time is it?"

"11:15"

"ummmmmmm........(internal dialogue: HOLY SHIT!)........ya, that would be okay"

I spent the next two hours running through the house cleaning like a crazy woman.  Thank God for high chairs and Big Bird.  I'm thinking about writing a letter to the people at Sesame Street and thanking them.

The house looked beautiful.  I was covered in sweat but earned the title of Superwoman for the day.

Then later we went to our small group.  I'm glad I went eventhough I didn't feel like talking about how wonderful God is.  I explained that I was mad at God and no one tried to convince me that I was evil or feeling something wrong.  It is nice the be listened to and not judged. Hmmm, is that what Christians are suppose to do?

I was almost gifted

My blog was almostgifted but my computer is smarter than me and I had to create a new account.   I figured my crooked toes is a prime example of how I was short from perfect from birth.

I hadn't blogged in a long time but it has become necessary to have an outlet.  My dad died just before Thanksgiving.  I am a stay-at-home mom to a perfectly gifted 8 1/2 month old boy.  Before he was born I decided that I would be a perfect mom.  As perfect as I could be.  Well being depressed, crying sporadically throughout the day, and being angry at God are not on the perfect mom's to-do list.  I know I'm not a bad mom and that this is only temporary.  

My dad is gone, my baby doesn't sleep good....both of these things can make a person crazy.  When I was on my way to my dad's house and I knew he was dead (I didn't officially know, but I knew) I prayed that God would be my comfort in this time, my only comfort.  Well I don't feel very comforted.  

I understand atheism now.  To have crappy stuff happen just because crappy stuff happens is one thing.  To have crappy stuff happen, ask God for help, and hear nothing from Him, is horrible.  I still believe in God, I'm just mad at him.  My husband says that He is a big God and he can handle it. 

I don't think I can though.